Ignorance is Blistered

I'm going to be angsty for a moment.

Why is it that I feel ignored in most situations? I'm usually the person who has to WORK to get a word in edgewise when multiple-person conversations are going on, and when I'm in the middle of a point, other people constantly interrupt me without batting an eye.

Lately, there have been a couple of other things. For instance, I usually get ignored when it comes to costuming shit for theatre. The only person who doesn't ignore me is Char, but for instance people trying to find me shoes will just find something that "works" even though it's either not appropriate or doesn't REALLY fit.

But...okay, this kind of hurt, a little...

The article in the World Herald came out today about the actors doing rep for Macbeth and Arsenic...

Of the people interviewed, I was the ONLY ONE they did NOT quote or even MENTION.

Maybe I didn't say anything too memorable, but...still...you know, I never get to play lead roles...this is like the hugest thing I've ever done, for Arsenic, and...I have a funny feeling I will once again be upstaged by the shadow of Macbeth and the other characters in Arsenic (not their fault, I think they're all wonderful and deserve praise for how great they're all doing). I just get the weird feeling I'll be swept under the carpet again, and I'm freaked out that I'm going to be the "mixed feelings" aspect of Arsenic.

That interview, though...maybe I did just reiterate what others were saying, but...I don't know how to answer questions, really. I can easily write intricate lyrics and poetic words, but the moment it comes to on-the-spot speaking, it all goes flying out the door.

Still, given the fact that I'm finally doing a lead role, doing something this big and getting a chance to do that interview.....it really hurt. It's not that I want praise or fans. I just would like the kind of respect and regard that others are given.

I mean, if I didn't say anything memorable, I suppose...but they didn't even MENTION me. Quoted or not.

Well...whatever...

It's like with Acrobat - there were people who just didn't take the project seriously. It's not that they weren't coming to rehearsals or half-assing things, it's just I got this vibe of "Oh, this isn't a REAL play, it's just for fun" from a few people.

I don't know...it's been a crummy day. I can't even focus to get crap done at work.

.....

I'm still deliberating on this a lot. But...I'm half-considering giving up acting after this season. Not theatre - just acting. I want to continue in playwriting and possibly directing. But it's only a half-consideration that I have now and then, at this point.

What Apples Go Around, Come Around

The other night, Eric and I rented a couple movies, and I chose one called "Snow White: A Tale of Terror" that I was curious about because it starred Sam Neill and Sigourney Weaver in a more-closely rendered version of the Grimm Brothers dark tale.

The movie was okay. I thought the actors did well with what they had, but I felt the script was written poorly and the directing was only so-so. There were some creepy and suspenseful moments, but most of the story was very confusing in the details, mostly dialogue. Lines such as "She's been bad luck ever since she came!" when only one bad incident thus far has happened.

Anyway...what I found hilarious, though, was the synopsis on the back of the cover. Here is the final couple sentences:

"This movie will prove, once and for all, that blood is thicker than water, and evil, like an apple, comes around."

......

"...and evil....like an apple....comes around....."


........................................

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Is there some proverbial apple that I'm unaware of that comes back to haunt people when they throw it away? Or is it a terrible pun on an apple be "round"? Either way, "This movie will prove, once and for all...?"

I'm going to start my own proverb:

"Someone: Hey, I'm gonna eat an apple!
Eric: (shakes head) Okay, but be careful: an apple comes around!"

I will say Sigourney was pretty creepy when she transforms into the old-witch-with-the-apple disguise.

And I guess that apple sure DID come around, whatever that means.

And undead babies are creepy, too.

A couple other odd things, though:

1) Every time someone was scared by a wolf in the woods, they kept using the same close-up shot of a wolf's face snarling

2) And apparently, boa constrictors used to live in medieval Europe. I guess "The Jungle Book" was wrong.


So...here we go, yay double-tech-week. I'm just wondering WHEN I'm gonna do laundry. Because all my clothes are dirty.

'Kay, Whatever...

I have no idea why blogger is suddenly putting my profile WAAAY down at the BOTTOM of my posts instead of to the side. I changed absolutely nothing.

So I even went in and tried switching to an ENTIRELY new template, and it's still doing it.

So, whatever, I guess.

I'll post more later. I was gonna post, but I spent like half an hour trying to figure out why the hell it's doing this shit.

Boy Who Cried Wolf

Something happened this morning that really pissed me off, and it didn't even have anything to do with me.

Jordan (Eric's youngest brother) comes out into the kitchen, and in the first place, Molly (his sister who's in highschool) drives both him and Joel (other brother) to school in the morning, yet Jordan is constantly sleeping till whenever he feels like and doesn't bat an eye or even listen to Molly when she tells him to hurry up. And then there's the whole he-gets-the-cereal-eats-it-slowly-while-she's-frustrated-because-she-doesn't-wanna-be-late-and-then-he-doesn't-bother-putting-the-cereal-away thing...there's that...

But this wasn't what pissed me off.

He's eating his fucking cereal, and he sees a Crunch Bar on the counter, and he looks at Molly with this indignant look on his face and goes, "Where'd you get that?" (Did I mention nearly everything out of his mouth has a negative or disgusted tone to it?)

And Molly said it wasn't hers. And Jordan continues, "Where'd you get that?" Molly tells him to hurry up and eat his cereal, which he doesn't, but he goes on and says "If you got that from Mom's room, it's MINE" in this how-dare-you-touch-my-stuff tone...

Molly goes, "It was SITTING there, Jordan, it's not mine!" So then Jordan grabs the crunch bar and heads off into the living room to eat it (not eating his breakfast).

So then, Joel comes out into the kitchen, looks around, and looks at Molly and says, "Hey, where did my crunch bar go?"

So apparently, it wasn't Jordan's at all. There are multiple things here that I wanted to storm out into the living room and scream at him:

A) The fact that he takes other peoples' stuff
B) The fact that he made up a lie to take the stuff
C) The fact that he tried yelling at MOLLY just to make it seem like it was his

But these aren't what bother me the most...

What bothers me the most is that when Joel confronted him and demanded his crunch bar back, Jordan shows absolutely no remorse. Now I don't mean visible remorse, b/c it takes a lot usually for children who want something to show visible remorse.

But most kids will show some sort of involuntary shame or something when they're caught in a lie or they've done something they know is wrong.

Not Jordan. He sits there and stares at Joel like Joel's the one who's done wrong to HIM. And he tries saying all these things to FURTHER construe the lie, not to get out of being caught, but rather to get the crunch bar. The lies aren't like, "Oh, I thought it was one of mine" it was stuff that was more directly goaled towards just getting the object. There was no regard in his voice, face, or actions for the fact that he had stolen or that he had got caught.

He didn't bat an eye. He didn't care, one bit. His entire attitude was "Oh well, maybe next time..."

What bugs me even more is the fact that Connie and Kevin don't follow through on any discipline with him. They keep using his disorder (impulse control problems) as a crutch.

People. Just because someone has impulse control problems doesn't make the times they do something wrong any LESS wrong. It simply means that they have a disorder that makes them more PRONE to do wrong and although they may need more understandnig, they still have to be taught there are SEVERE CONSEQUENCES for their actions. They, more than ordinary people! Because it takes more effort to get the concept through to them.

If you love someone, you do not make excuses for them. You make them realize when they're doing something wrong.

I am just...

This kid just mortifies me, sometimes. One time, he took $50 right out of his sister's wallet, in her room.

And there's no one there to teach him ANYTHING.

Fries with that...

O.K.

Have you ever TRIED to eat a frigging Double Whopper with cheese?

Have you?

You can't.

No, I'm NOT talking about "Oh, I have a huge appetite". I'm not speaking of the ability to eat huge portions of food. No, this is a different matter.

A Double Whopper looks nice. And then you pick it up. And then, it begins...

The mayonnaise and the ketchup begin to drip...the tomatoes begin to slide...the bun begins to flatten and moisten...

And before you know it, you are desperately trying to eat a dissolved pile of Whopper-that-was, while your fingers are holding onto mainly meat and onions, your hands covered in whitish red liquids.

You are not eating a Double Whopper. You are eating a monster.

I think THIS is the way those things should be made:

1) Flame broil 2 beef patties
2) Put beef patties on a sesame seed bun
3) Add insane amounts of tomato, ketchup, mayonnaise, lettuce and onion
4) Staple the meat to the bun
5) Add a dash of Krazy Glue
6) Coat the bun in pottery glaze and start up the kiln
7) Kiln-bake that motherfucker like no other, let sit overnight
8) Freeze the whole thing in carbonite next to Harrison Ford

Voila, Double Whopper with cheese. Next to one good-looking lunchtime statue.

There's Just Too Much Crap Everywhere

There's too much crap everywhere.

There's too much crap on my desk at work, there's too many voicemails that people are forwarding to me because they apparently don't have time to do their own work, there's too much rehearsing to do for two plays and work a full time job, there are too many movies and books I need to buy, there are too many dollars in my monthly car payments, there are too many debts I have to pay, there is too much work to do trying to re-schedule Acrobat and too many people to contact and too many people who don't reply with an answer. There are too many people in our house, too many people who drive on Dodge street, too much construction in this city, too much food to eat at Greek Islands, too many people waiting to sing their entry at karaoke, too many expectations from people who want other people who have too much to do already, too many unfinished projects I'm working on, too many assholes who tell me they think oral sex performed on a man is immoral "just because" while on a female it's fine because they're stubborn on nearly everything and refuse to be anything but a WILLFUL idiot for the remainder of their lives (there's only one person, really, but that's too many), too many people Eric and I should fingertrap, too much stale candy in this fucking candy dish on my desk, too many staples in this stapler, too many fast food prices breaking the $5 increment, too many taxes, too much crap left out on our kitchen counter (yes, yes, LEAVE the Miracle Whip out for hours and hours after you're done, there's nothing, NOTHING, like a nice big nearly-full jar of poisonous Miracle Whip, next to most of a tomato left out to rot after a couple slices are taken from it, Kevin, you lazy twat), too many stupid people who seem to be under the impression that actors are the ones who make movies and are apparently just like their characters, too many retarded lemmings running off cliffs, and too many fake plants and fake trees and fluorescent lights in the Corporate World.

And there aren't enough hours in the day to take care of this mess.

Four fucking voicemails. He forwards me FOUR fucking voicemails in the period of five minutes. Yeah, because I don't have enough to do, considering someone just LEFT this department even though there was ENOUGH to do between him AND me already, and they're not planning on having the 2 jobs anymore, just 1.

Corporate executives are fucking smart.

Fucking. Smart.

I'm going to type this now:

fdjaeruiwoquriodjasmklnfm,d.surieqwncockcockcockcuntbutterdsfknwejklqShirleyMcClaine@@@@@#$82u9$#@!DFDANKEQWJIFNDSAKLNKLERNWQJKLJDANEFOURFUCKINGVOICEMAILSINFIVEMINUTES

I hate doing Shakespeare.

I know that's like the antithesis of theatre actor attitudes, but really, I do. I hate doing Shakespeare. It's not that I CAN'T do Shakespeare, I just hate doing it.

And I hate playing warriors. I really, really do. I have NO INSTINCTS when it comes to this shit - I don't KNOW what "one of the guys" sounds like or does or how they would interact or talk or move or gesture!!!

I have never, at any point, in my entire LIFE, been "one of the guys".

Fuck, if I get into an elevator full of men who are in business suits who are all laughing and chatting in that confident "group of guys" way, I fucking HOLD MY BREATH until I get off the elevator.

I hate doing Shakespeare.

I hate it.

I love watching it. I hate doing it myself.

I'm just going to start having tantrums on stage every time I speak. Either that, or maybe it'll help if I carry a raw slab of meat over my shoulder. And a club.

I hate gestures. Shakespeare gestures. I can do modern gestures just fine.

Auuughhh, I wish I enjoyed doing Shakespeare, but I don't.

Okay, let's see...let's look at my desk...how much more Corporate BULLSHIT do I have to do today?

Oh, right. Too much.

Sass-Mo the Magic Puppy

Well, it was a nice weekend. Really, it was. Eric and I were both (yes, both) invited out to my parents' house for Labor Day dinner. My mom and dad both were very hospitable and friendly. My mom was chatting with Eric, asking him stuff about himself and telling him stories about her life and our house, and everything.

And we got to see the 3 puppies of Bear's that are still left - Sassy (Sass-Mo), Fozzie Girl and Sherman. And I got to play the piano a little just to show Eric what some of the music from "Beauty" sounds like. And we watched both "Lemony Snicket's: A Series of Unfortunate Events" and "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", which Eric had never seen...a few moments I love...

"I'm terrified of realtors!" (flashback to Meryl Streep cautiously peeking through her front door, realtor looks at her and smiles, "Is this a bad time?" and Meryl proceeds to cover her mouth and scream at the top of her lungs.)

from P,T, & A

"(Steve Martin giving a big long monologue that includes the word "fucking" in every sentence to the car rental lady) I want a new fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW..."


Other than that, we had TimApril fun. John was pretty drunk. John, I know you read this, but - "Can I feel your knee?" That was hilarious. Yes, I do remember much of that night, despite my plastered state and my detachment after taking a turn down Drama Boulevard.

Okay, I would type more, but they're training me on all sorts of crud today, and my schedule is more or less booked up at work. Training from 9 to 9:30, then proofing the ads from 10 to 10:30. Taking a half hour lunch at noon, then more training from 1:00 to 2:00.

Oh, and "Farscape" is probably one of the best TV shows I've watched. It's definitely the best sci-fi series I've ever seen. Mainly because it focuses on the characters and how they grow together, and that's what creates and affects the plot twists that are thrown at them.

And based on a really angsty plot twist in Farscape, here's the question of the decade:

So, suppose you were in love with someone, and they were in love with you? In fact, this is the person who TAUGHT you how to love after a lifetime of considering love a weakness due to your upbringing and circumstances...Okay?

Well, suppose (through the magic of science fiction) this person were "twinned" - that is, two beings were created from one, both with the same memories and experiences prior to the twinning, but they are individuals who grow and develop differently after the twinning. And both believe themselves to be the ORIGINAL person, and think the other is a copy...

Now imagine you get separated from one of them, and spend a chunk of time alone with the OTHER one and with that one you finally consummate that love and share all these tender moments, both physically and emotionally??

And then, that one dies. In your arms.

And then you come back, reunited with your friends, and are now once again around the "other" one, who still loves you as completely as the one who died did, before you were separated, but with whom you have not experienced the precious moments you did with the other???

How the fuck do you deal with THAT?