I suppose it's time to blog again.

Or something.

Having a really hard time staying positive these days.  I keep trying, and succeed for a few hours, and then something causes my mood to crash, or I dwell on certain things that still infuriate me.

What life has taught me in the past few years:

• I cannot stand most theatre people, which makes doing theatre rather difficult at times.
• Either there's something just wrong with me that puts people at a distance, or I just tend to surround myself with an abundance of assholes.  (There are a handful of exceptions.)
• The idea that love can change a person's attraction is apparently bullshit.
• I am way too trusting and nice and it has trampled me, and I never seem to learn from it.

I don't know.

Still cooking.  Which is problematic because I weigh over 300 now and need to lose it because none of my clothes fit anymore.  I hate doing costume fittings because nothing ever FITS.  There's this painful envy factor - I want so badly to be one of the actors who gets a thrill out of costumes and looking cool in these old styles, fancy clothes, etc...but I can't because I simply DREAD the without-fail event of stressing out the costume designer because they can't find anything that fits or looks right on me.

And there's this asshole.  Fuck him, and fuck her, and fuck the lot of them, that entire circle.  They're so full of WORDS.  Falseness and taking what they want from me when the mood strikes them, but making me feel like an outsider, like second-rate shit.

I want to fucking destroy something.  Like an entire kitchen full of dishes, or a huge copy machine, or a mansion made of glass.

Negative post, I don't care - I REALLY need to vent.  No one reads this anyway.

Sigh...will try to keep posting.  Maybe I just need to keep venting.

Maybe?