Fries with that...

O.K.

Have you ever TRIED to eat a frigging Double Whopper with cheese?

Have you?

You can't.

No, I'm NOT talking about "Oh, I have a huge appetite". I'm not speaking of the ability to eat huge portions of food. No, this is a different matter.

A Double Whopper looks nice. And then you pick it up. And then, it begins...

The mayonnaise and the ketchup begin to drip...the tomatoes begin to slide...the bun begins to flatten and moisten...

And before you know it, you are desperately trying to eat a dissolved pile of Whopper-that-was, while your fingers are holding onto mainly meat and onions, your hands covered in whitish red liquids.

You are not eating a Double Whopper. You are eating a monster.

I think THIS is the way those things should be made:

1) Flame broil 2 beef patties
2) Put beef patties on a sesame seed bun
3) Add insane amounts of tomato, ketchup, mayonnaise, lettuce and onion
4) Staple the meat to the bun
5) Add a dash of Krazy Glue
6) Coat the bun in pottery glaze and start up the kiln
7) Kiln-bake that motherfucker like no other, let sit overnight
8) Freeze the whole thing in carbonite next to Harrison Ford

Voila, Double Whopper with cheese. Next to one good-looking lunchtime statue.