Budgeting

AAAAAUUUGGGHHGHGHGHGH, I hate money!!!!!!!!

I'm in my fucking 20s, and I haven't had a chance to live life and spend money on anything fun because I never finished college and was in debt before I even turned 20, and now I'm just always trying, trying, trying to get ahead, never getting there, always budgeting, worrying about how to make ends meet, what expenses to cut, how long I'll have to sacrifice things for...

I absolutely hate it. I don't even have the resources to devote to theatre as much as I'd like to.

I keep getting job offers from people trying to recruit me with financial institutions, but FUCK THAT, I don't want to do jack-sales-anything! Fuck sales, and fuck salesmen. Especially financial salesmen.

I can't even focus at work when this shit happens. I spend all day trying to think about how I need to live this month in order to pay everything by the end of it, and I sit here and type out budgets and calculate crap and try and figure "Maybe if I worked THIS much overtime..."

And yet, you know what? I still won't have enough money for my debts. Which fothermucking sucks.

I swear to God, I've learned my lesson! Why can't I just inherit $20,000 to pay off everything and finally be done with it? I would start a new life, live how I need to and I wouldn't be freaked out all the time and not feel too weary to face the day.

When I get like this, it's like I just don't even want to keep going. But it's not like I want to die, or anything, so it's like I'm stuck with no solution. I just want to sleep and sleep, or something. Just become a recluse and hide away.

Anyway, I better try and do something.