Time for a Break

Thank God, we've finally opened The Lark. It hasn't been hell or anything, it's just...after doing two shows in rep this past autumn, and then taking a short break before doing two more shows right in a row, I'm exhausted.

But we've got to start up stuff for Acrobat again right away. I need to get an answer from Scott on Hot Shops, or else we'll need to start looking into PS Collective again, or another venue.

I'm going to take a week off. And then, I've got to start up the process again. We need to start getting organized once more.

Anyhoo...

Eric and I finished X last night. Lots of people die in the last three episodes, of course, but not as many as in the movie version. In fact, only three people from the Dragons of Heaven (the good guys) die (unless you count Princess Hinoto, and that makes four). In the movie, like...EVERYONE dies except Kamui, the main character. Which is ironic, since the series ends with him dying to restore Fuma's soul, instead of having to kill Fuma.

Kanoe is an interesting character in the series. She torments her sister Princess Hinoto with this vicious hatred in her voice, and goes on about how much she loves watching her suffer...but then when Hinoto kills herself, there's this scene with Kanoe horribly weeping in her bed and crying out Hinoto's name. You never find out what happens to Kanoe after that, though...

I think one of the coolest...well, most interesting (and heartbreaking) plottwists is when Arashi (that's the character that's on Nicole's headstone) switches sides and tries to kill Kamui, because she's been led to believe that it's the only way to protect Sorata from dying for her sake.

Anyway...there's a lot I should do today, but I also want to sleep, since I haven't gotten much this week.

I love the new Aqualung CD Eric got me - especially the opening song, "Cinderella".

Be careful what you hope and you pray for
You know you only get what you pay for

"You Never Say What I Expect You To Say"

The final line from Subaru to Seishiro, the love of his life, as he dies in his arms, killed as they battle against each other...

I remember Nicole telling me about that scene and that particular line and Seishiro whispering something unknown to Subaru before that line (hence prompting the line), before he dies. I remember the circumstances surrounding their story, and that Seishiro's final, whispered words, unheard by the audience, are probably something along the lines of "And I do love you."

Eric and I watched the episode of X that I remember specifically watching with Nicole years ago. And at the end, when the camera pans down on the photograph of Seishiro, Subaru and his sister Hokuto (whom Seishiro murdered) all together, younger and happy together...I remember Nicole turning to me with this really sad and pouty look on her face as if to say, "Isn't that episode so sad???"

Nicole and I were always partial to the Subaru/Seishiro backstory in X, above all the other characters. Maybe it was the homosexual thing for me, I don't know. But it was also interesting seeing two of the most powerful people in the story involved in such a horriblly painful and personal vendetta and history.

It reminds me of going to St. Louis with Nicole and Dan Riley to watch the movie version of X at that wonderful little theatre in that suburb called University City. I remember driving around University City, and there are ALL these amazing rich-looking houses crafted out of like, STONE, and shit...and Dan and Nicole and I deal with the situation by looking at all these beautiful houses and cracking jokes like, "Yeah, these are SHITTY houses...man, these are just the shittiest houses I've ever seen...talk about shit!"

The movie theatre itself was pretty cool. It was designed to look like an opera house, with false "boxes" up on either wing, fancy architecture, etc. And a very elaborate curtain that rose from the screen at showtime. Watching the movie of X (which is different than what Eric and I are seeing, we're watching the series) - I remember seeing for the first time just how artful and emotional the anime genres could be. I remember the clashing bright colors of the Dragons of Heaven in green and the Dragons of Earth in red, coming to life as beings of intense light in Princess Hinoto's visions. I remember the soundtrack and it's bizarre, intensely haunting quality, sounding like some sort of desolate landscape. I remember the battle between Subaru and Seishiro (which comes at the BEGINNING of the movie unlike the series) and how intense and cool-looking it was.

You know, I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and I don't remember what I was dreaming about prior, but when I woke up I saw Eric sleeping, and I was overwhelmed by this sudden acute feeling of something like, "Please God, keep him safe." I was watching him, and just sort of put my arms around him with this pleading feeling in my heart, and I began to cry. I think it's because I'm terrified of losing him like I lost Nicole. The night terrors I have now...sometimes I catch a glimpse of a new feelings...they used to be inspired because I was frightened of death itself...but now, there's this new thing to them...I think that, rather, I'm frightened of being separated from him, even for a temporal time, however long it may be.

There was this one attack I had, where I did my usual wake up with a gasp and an almost-scream (it was like a quick "Ah!") and I remember him trying to calm me and I think I started quickly shushing him and saying something like "No...listen..." but then I began to calm and went into my disoriented thing where I become aware of where I am.

I think when I went "Shh...no...listen..." that perhaps I thought I was dying, and that I wanted to tell him I loved him before I was parted from him.

Short Blog

This will be short.

I had ramen and avocado for lunch.

Rehearsals are starting to get frustrating, because we're not getting enough done. And I'm not sure what the Inquisitor was doing with his lines tonight.

I need to visit my grandfather. He's not doing so well.

I need to do my taxes.

I think that's it.

Yup.

Rome, If You Want To

Yes, Melanie...do like the B-52s ask, and TAKE that trip to Italy!

(Just kidding...)

Well, today...let's see, today...Cathy really needs to re-evaluate the way she rehearses stuff. She should not keep people like Eric and Jeremy there while she picks apart a whole section which they're only in for a minute.

Here's how we should be doing this section:

Pick apart specific sub-sections one day

The next day, run it all and work it further with the key characters

THEN, add in the bit characters, etc. and run it all together

Oh well. I'm not the director, so I shouldn't complain.

Always love Village Inn early-dinner specials. I had pot roast! Huzzah!

I really don't have much to say today. I almost forgot about Daylight Savings Time, and we had to hurry to get ready for rehearsal. Although - it was beati-fucking-ful outside today! I hope it stays that way. ~Knocks on wood~

I want to go to Walt Disney World. I know that sounds gimptarded for a 26 year old, but I always wanted to go when I was a kid, and I never got to. So it's one of those places that I still want to go. Maybe Eric and I can plan a vacation there once we have plenty of money and our own place. Plus, it'd be cool to get to see Florida, too.

We have too many snacks, here. Seriously, our pantry is like bursting with popcorn and cocoa.

Eventually, I want to move to central Omaha, so that my work and the theatre will all be close to where I live. And we'll have time to do shit like make dinner before rehearsal, etc.

Pepsi Jazz with Strawberries and Cream is fantastic.

Anyway, toodles. (Yes, I said toodles, screw you.)

Bloggindy Doo!

I suppose it's time to get back in the blogging spirit. Right now, I wish I didn't have to be anywhere today, but I do. That's all right. I like rehearsals - truly, I do - I just wish I didn't work a full-time office job (and I stress the word "office") that drained me. It's not that I hate the concept of my job itself - I'm just worn out from working for companies that don't have enough people working for them.

Seriously, my job should be split into two jobs. I currently process two things right now: check requests and asset deliveries. And the check requests, of course, have to take priority, because those have to get done on a daily basis, but everyone's always bitching about the asset deliveries and wanting closer follow up on them. I don't have time to really monitor them closely - because here's about how my day goes.

8:30 - this is when I have half an hour to ease into my day...I read my e-mails, sort through mail, and I process any weird miscellaneous stuff that didn't get done the previous day

9:00 - the hammer falls, and it's time to sort through all those damn 3rd party check letters that are faxed or mailed or AREN'T which is just GREAT cuz it means I have to reject shit and people get pouty about it

10:00 - I have to try and sort through some of my address-of-record checks, especially if there's a shit-ton of them (that's company jargon, there, "shit-ton") and if I have TIME, I try to process a few deliveries to get a head start on those

11:00 - the cutoff for regular checks, and I have to try and finish those up, and also try and do my check reports before I take a lunch

Lunch is anytime between noon and 12:30, it depends on the day

1:00 - cutoff for faxed and weird checks, and I tend to get the bulk of them here, which SUCKS, because...

2:00 - checks are SUPPOSED to be all done...but that never happens...the VPs are always not around when I need them to sign, or we're out of check stock, or the people in Customer Service start sending me e-mails about how all these "important" checks (which were entered AFTER CUTOFF AND ARE LATE) have to go out today despite being late

3:15 - I have to have all my asset deliveries done - yeah, this means (see above) that I basically have about an HOUR WINDOW to process the other half of my job

THEN I TAKE A FUGGIN BREAK!!!

3:30 - I do all the crap work and try and do my miscellaneous follow up stuff...but of course that never happens because I'm usually too busy doing all the work we DIDN'T get done and trying to get it done to be resolved on the next day of work

You know...who the hell decided "Yeah, your cutoff is 1:00, but you have to have everything done within an hour after that"?

I'll tell you who.

Timmy McShithead, that's who.

Anyway, Lark is going well...and...fun...or something. No, I like it. It's just the rehearsals have been weird because of the way we've been blocking entire acts at once - because of our sudden replace of "The" Cauchon. Oh well. I like my character. I'm just trying to stop doing that thing where I'm putting up a block in front of me so I don't have to be sincere with people, especially the audience - which is not good, since most of my speeches are to the audience. Argh, I hate talking to the audience! Well, I mean...I like this challenge of doing it...but it's not one of my strong points, so I'm griping about trying to overcome it. I know I can do it. When I was going over the lines by myself, I just imagined an invisible person was sitting across from me and I tried just talking to him as I said the lines - and they sounded great then. But for some reason, when I get in front of the whole "audience" it's like I forget how to do that.

Cathy said playing to the audience is "such fun" - it terrifies me! I'd much rather do a regular scene or a soliloquy or something...oh well. I know if I just keep at it, eventually I'll get it. It's just frustrating right now.

You know, I used to be able to play sincerity easily. Somewhere along the way, I got confused and caught up in so many techniques and how to act and how not to act that I think I got mixed up in all that and am now forgetting to play for reality FIRST.

I just need to relax about it. I actually think I need to do what I used to do - learn the lines BLANK first. As in first learn just the words, with little emotion, just let them ramble naturally, and try to get just the words ingrained into my long-term memory.

See, that way, I know they're THERE, so I can stop worrying about it.

Once I have them memorized blankly, I can THEN (during rehearsals and my personal practice time) start going over the actual THOUGHTS and practice intention behind the lines - without have to learn the lines all at the SAME TIME.

Yeah...

Eric's sleeping. He didn't get to bed till...God, when was it? I think sometime after 4:00. I don't know, I was pretty out of it. He sleepsies-all-the-time!

Eric and I are currently watching the anime series X, which of course, Nicole showed to me years ago. It's an Apocalypse-Final-Battle-supernatural story, but the thing that's so good about it is that it focuses entirely on all the characters as real people. The story is really about their relationships as humans and their personal backgrounds and their emotions and how that all is affected as everything comes down and friend is pitted aginst friend, etc.

To give you an idea...the main character is predestined to determine the fate of mankind. There are two factions - the Seven Angels (also called the Dragons of Earth) whose task is to carry out God's judgment and obliterate humanity and save the planet from them. Then, there's the Seven Seals (also called the Dragons of Heaven) who are the only thing protecting mankind - they wish to save humanity from the destruction.

Well, the main character can choose to become EITHER the leader of the Angels or the Seals. He would thus determine the fate of things to come. And he ends up decided to become the Dragon of Heaven, because he wants to protect the two people he loves most in the world - his childhood friend, Fuma, and Fuma's sister Kotori.

Well...what he doesn't know...is that Fuma is his "twin star" and is also predestined...to become the opposite of whatever he chooses. So the moment he chooses, Fuma instantly loses all his humanity and old personality and becomes the Dragon of Earth - basically, he becomes a cold angel embodying God's judgment.

And of course, the first thing Fuma does is kill his sister Kotori.

So the main character's original idea to protect them both is pretty much fucked up, right there.

Anyway, I think I should go make some breakfast, or something.

It's nice having the house to ourselves while Eric's family is in Chicago this weekend!